Becoming a mom was, and still is, one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

And the learning curve for first-time parents is literally straight up.

I had no idea what I was doing when I became a mom the first time around. If I'm honest, I really didn't know if I even wanted to be a mom.

I was terrified of screwing everything up and worried that my child would wind up being scarred for life because I didn't have that innate need or desire to have kids.

Yes – I did some babysitting as a teenager and in college for extra cash. But honestly, I hated it.

I just didn't love kids.

But as I’ve grown into this role as “Mom” over the last six years, I’ve learned a few things along the way that have changed my perspective on what’s important and how to make sure I’m the best parent to my little people.

 

You are everything your child needs in this world

When I had my first baby at 28, my mindset about being a good mom was completely dependent upon other people’s opinions (even people I didn’t know personally) and their version of what being a mom should look like.

I made so many desperate attempts to be the totally put-together, chic AF mom you always see on Instagram and Pinterest. 

And it was exhausting.

I was effectively losing who I was as an individual and forgetting what I ultimately wanted to model and teach my daughter.

So, here's my first tip to any new mom – stop comparing yourself to the world around you and start focusing on really owning who you are as an individual. 

It is your decision and obligation (and yours’ alone) to become whatever type of parent you want to be.

And this can be so freeing.  Especially as a new mom.

You’re going to make mistakes along the way.  But that’s okay.

Really honing in on what makes you “you” and what you believe in and want for not only your children, but your own life and identity as a parent, is what will ultimately make you a great mom.

Whatever type of parent you choose to be, you are the perfect person to raise your tiny humans.

You are exactly who your kids need in this world, so don’t waste any more time or energy chasing someone else’s idea of perfection.

It’s not worth it.

 

Ditch the ego and find your support system

Before I had my first baby, I admittedly thought that having kids really couldn't be that hard without a legit support system.

*Cringe*

I still laugh thinking about my young, naive self being freshly home from the hospital with a brand new baby, literally saying out loud, “Okay, now what?”.

I grew up in California and since then, my family has spread out all over the country. Now living in the suburbs of Chicago, I really don't have much family close by to help me with this whole child-rearing thing.

At first, I was cool with that.

I'm sort of an extroverted introvert and can be pretty private sometimes, especially when I’m unsure of myself or trying something new. 

I didn't see the need for this huge, overwhelming tribe to be all up in my business 24/7.

But holy shit - I WAS SO WRONG.

See, the problem with this is you actually do need support and guidance and hugs and laughter and reassurance that you're doing great to keep your sanity and self-confidence, especially in those early days of newborn life. 

And most of the time, your partner can only give you so much of that.  Remember, they're trying to figure this new parenting thing out too.

So, while they want to be there for you in all the ways, sometimes they just can't.

And then you're left with your own thoughts.

And the doubts creep in.

And you spiral into this dark place, where you start using the internet (instead of actual living, breathing people) as your go-to resource and confidant for all things mom-life.

This brings me to my second tip - your support system doesn't have to be huge and it certainly doesn't have to be solely made up of family members.  But you absolutely need a real support system – tribe, group, whatever – to hold your hand, dry your tears, listen to you vent, and take some of the pressure off when it comes to motherhood.

My "tribe" is not very big, but the people I lean on for all the mom-things are my ride-or-dies.  Never in a million years would I have admitted that I needed other moms to fill my cup and make me feel like less of a failure.

But I'm here to tell you, that if you haven’t found your people yet…

You will.  Put yourself out there and give it time.

And if you're fighting this notion to preserve your ego…

Stop. Right now.

The energy you're wasting trying to do and be it all alone isn't serving you.  Or your kids.

Support comes in so many different forms and often doesn't match what you thought you needed before you had it.  

And this applies to all things parenting…

Whether it's figuring out your child's picky eating.  Or helping them learn how to read and write. Or – yes – teaching them how to become good sleepers.

I, myself, have so many different types of support systems depending on the situation.  I have a mindset coach, a business coach, a fitness coach. 

You name it, I've had it.

So, if you're unsure what exactly you need but you know you need or want support for your child's sleep, it’s important that you make it a priority to find someone you know, like, and trust to help you through this major milestone.

 

Sleep is critical for your postpartum health and wellness

I successfully made it through the newborn stage and was closing in on my daughter’s first birthday when I got pregnant with my son.

My husband and I were thrilled to be growing this awesome little family of ours, but this time around my pregnancy was not so awesome.

I was miserable. And that’s putting it lightly.  

I was angry and annoyed all the time.  I didn't enjoy being around my daughter as much as I used to.  My body physically hurt every single day and I couldn't wait for it to be over.

Fast-forward nine months and my giant man-baby was born. 

Truly, the sweetest, happy-go-lucky kid you’ve ever met, even to this day.

But after he was born, I was hit with the “baby blues”, which I’d experienced with my first postpartum period. 

The difference was, those feelings never went away.  In fact, they got much, much worse.

To put it bluntly, I was rageful.

Always on edge.  Never feeling content.  So easily irritated and snapping at everyone who crossed my path or looked in my direction.  

And to top it all off, I was getting no sleep because my son was such a loud sleeper – constantly grunting and groaning and wiggling all over the place every night.

This went on for months and I was a wreck, to say the least.

Sure enough, these were all the telltale signs of postpartum depression and anxiety.  But I was in absolute denial because I'd never had these issues before having kids.

I wasn't a depressed person.  Depression didn’t run in my family.

I'd had some minor issues with anxiety in the past, but nothing out of the ordinary (or so I thought).

What really put all of these feelings on blast was the persistent lack of sleep night after night, for weeks on end.

My body started turning on itself and I felt like I was drowning.

I stopped producing breastmilk because my body didn’t have any energy left to keep it up.  I was too tired to do any form of exercise (even walking was too much), so I started gaining weight.  I ate everything in sight and dove head-first into mommy wine culture. My corporate job, at the time, was my only place of reprieve and my performance was really suffering.

The downward spiral was fast and furious.

My third, and final, tip is this – if you’ve ever experienced or are currently experiencing any signs of postpartum depression and anxiety, prioritizing your health is critical and it starts with better sleep.

Studies have shown that women who experience persistent sleep deprivation are at higher risk for increased symptoms of postpartum depression and anxiety*. 

So, it stands to reason that moms who experience these disorders need to find ways to improve their children's sleep so that they, themselves, can get the rest their bodies so desperately need.

Although it’s more normalized now than it ever has been historically, there’s still a stigma associated with mental health issues, especially when it comes to postpartum and moms.  Fortunately, or unfortunately, it’s much more common than most people realize and there’s no reason why anyone should have to suffer through it alone.

For some, that could mean hiring a night nurse to help you a few nights a week.  For others, it could mean switching to bottle feeding at night so that your partner can split the feeding load.

There are so many ways you can get more shut-eye in those early days of motherhood and beyond. 

But the fact still remains – one of the quickest and most effective ways to prevent sleep deprivation long-term is teaching your baby how to sleep independently so that you can get better sleep.

Resources and support, like sleep training and consulting, can truly be the answer to so many issues linked to sleep deficiency for moms.  And the best part is that these sleep solutions can be individualized to meet your needs as a parent and quickly and effectively solve your child’s sleeplessness without sacrificing your parenting style.

I promise – once you tackle your sleep problems and start getting the rest you need and deserve, the only question you’ll be left with is, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?”

Sometimes, taking care of your needs first is a necessary step to becoming the best version of yourself, as an individual and a mom.  Prioritizing your own sleep is never selfish – it’s important and crucial for your mental, physical, and emotional health. 

So, make the time and effort to find a solution that works best for you and your child.

You won’t regret it.

Cheers to better sleep!