My Story
Oh man, where to even begin…
Well, it’s only fair if we start with the fact that I was never really sure I wanted kids. The idea always seemed like a given because…that’s just what you “do” after you meet and marry the love of your life, right?
My husband is almost 10 years older than me, so he was absolutely all-in on kids. When we got married, he was also a “FUNcle” 6 times over at that point, so of course he knew wayyyy more about babies and kids than I ever did. I think I’d only babysat maybe a dozen kids by the time we got married and I’m pretty sure none of them were actually babies.
When I got pregnant the first time, something was off from the beginning. I had irregular cycles anyway, so I never really knew when I actually conceived and the timing just seemed weird. Everything looked fine for 12 weeks, but at my 3 month appointment where we were hoping to find out the gender, we were told there was no heartbeat. I hate to say it but I actually surprised myself with how devasted and heartbroken I felt. I wasn’t even sure I was ready to have a baby at that point…
After my first loss, I was convinced – without a shadow of a doubt – that I wanted to be a mom. I became obsessed with getting pregnant again and started scouring the internet for ways to track my cycles naturally so I could take control of my fertility. I started taking my basal body temperature every morning, tracking it like clockwork, and learning all the signs and symptoms of ovulation based on my cervical changes. Needless to say, I got reeeeeal familiar with my lady parts.
Eventually, I got pregnant with my oldest daughter, Henley, who was born in June 2017. After a fast and furious labor, baby girl came flying into this world with a head full of jet-black hair and eyes wide open to take it all in. My husband instantly fell head over heels for this little creature, but I admittedly took a few weeks to come around. I loved her, of course, but I didn’t feel connected just yet. That would come after several weeks of one-on-one time, figuring life out together after my husband went back to work.
We stumbled our way through those first few months of newborn life, bleary-eyed but ridiculously happy. The exhaustion was unlike anything either one of us had experienced, but it was “manageable” with both of us taking shifts throughout the night. After my 3-month maternity leave ended, I went back to work thinking it wouldn’t be so bad…Henley was sleeping longer stretches and really only getting up once a night at that point.
Two weeks into my return to work, the 4-month-regression hit us HARD. Henley was now up every two hours again, like the newborn days, and I was a wreck. I can remember sobbing in my car, asking my sister-in-law for advice on how to get this tiny heathen to sleep. Thank god for her – she legitimately took two hours to walk me through every single step of the sleep training process she’d used with her kids as I voraciously wrote down every word she said. I followed the plan to a T and four nights in, everything clicked. Suddenly, Henley was sleeping 12 hours like clockwork, every single night, without fail.
And I was a new human. I could finally SEE again. I could actually put thoughts together and make a healthy meal for myself. I started to exercise, slowly at first with walks in the park to fight off the late afternoon witching hour, and eventually every single day. Slowly but surely, little bits of my pre-baby self started coming back. Together, my little family of three climbed out of the fog that was newborn life and really started to enjoy parenthood for all the amazing things that it is.
Nineteen months later, my son was born. A GIANT baby, at least according to my lady bits, and full of fire. That little buster came flying into this world ready to throw us for all the new loops that baby boys can bring. I remember how surprised my husband and I were to be having a boy, and we were so excited to have one of each now. Little did I know, Emmett set me up with some wild hormones…hormones I couldn’t control no matter how hard I tried.
There weeks into our adventure as a family of four, with two kids under two, I was drowning all over again. But this time, I could find the surface to come up for air. I just kept sinking, deeper and deeper. Thank god for my husband, who at six weeks finally asked me to get help. Had he not gotten involved and asked the tough questions, I have no idea if I would’ve ever come out on the other side successfully. He truly saved my life and our marriage.
Managing postpartum depression and anxiety was one of the toughest things I’ve ever had to navigate. It left me with virtually no memory of my son’s first 3 months of life, as my brain tried to protect me during those early days. But with time, medication, and therapy, I finally came back to life and little sparks of my old self started to reignite.
Again, I was set to go back to work after three months of maternity leave, and I was determined to have my son sleeping through the night before that happened. Being the big boy that he was, I knew he was able to sustain a full 11-12 hours of sleep without a feeding. And so, I put the old plan to the test…
Sure enough, five nights in and baby boy was sleeping like a champ. Two kids under two sleeping like angels? Heck yeah! And with that, came lots of much-needed shut eye for mama bear. Believe me when I say it was beyond needed.
It was at this point that I started having friends reaching out, here and there, asking for help with their own babies’ sleep issues. Could I guide them? Would I teach them my ways? So, I did! I walked them through the exact same steps that I took with my kids, knowing how well they responded and how quickly I’d seen success.
But the thing was, the method I used didn’t actually work for everyone I’d tried to help. It left me intrigued and kind of bewildered – why was that? So, I started doing some research on my own, looking into different methods that were popular or tried-and-true in the pediatric space.
Eventually, I realized that this newfound interest and intrigue in pediatric sleep science wasn’t just a “hobby”. Instead, it quickly grew into something I really enjoyed and wanted to spend my time focused on. There was a new fire lit deep in my belly to help people with something so crucial and impactful to everyday life, especially for exhausted, stressed out moms just like I was. I knew I had something incredible to offer parents, but even more so for mothers, so I finally decided to follow my gut and complete my sleep consulting certification. In the summer of 2021, I said goodbye to corporate America to become an entrepreneur, helping sleep-deprived moms take back their nights and finally help their children, and themselves, get the sleep that they so desperately needed and deserved…and I haven’t looked back since.
Three kids and countless nights of blissful sleep later, I’ve finally found what makes me happiest in this little life – helping others find freedom, joy, and their sense of self in motherhood. Because I know how hard it is actually enjoy everything that being a mother has to offer, especially when you’re operating on little to no sleep for weeks and months on end. That is not the way we’re supposed to live life as moms; we’re not here to simply survive it all. We’re meant to thrive, and the only way to make that happen is to take care of ourselves first sometimes.
So, here’s to taking care of you. Let’s start sleeping, mama!
